Rituals and Customs

Did your loved one particularly enjoy Liquorice Allsorts or mini Mars Bars perhaps? Make up organza 'sweet treats' bags, with a 'thank you for your support' message tied to each bag.  Or perhaps your loved one was a keen gardener. Gifts of everlasting or sunflower seeds, tube stock herbs or plants can be a lovely funeral keepsake to remember someone who has died.

Find a tree branch or twig, spray paint in your chosen colour, then have tags with ties available, with pens on the table, so that family and friends can write a message, then hang their message on the tree. Or you could also have a collection of smooth river stones and Textas on a table, enabling  family and friends to have the opportunity to write a message on the stone, then place them in a bowl for the family to keep and reflect on sometimes.

For a teacher, a librarian, a lover of books or an avid reader, why not place stacks of books at each end of the coffin and/or decorate the venue with books and cushions?

If the loved one owned many books why not place them on display and ask those attending to take one as they leave the venue...a lovely keepsake in memory of the person.

A butterfly release can be used at the end of a Funeral Service or Memorial. It is symbolic of a death, of a loved one being released from their suffering, or as a celebration of a life well-lived. It is particularly beautiful to use if the Funeral Service is held outside in a park or a forest.

For a quilter, a fashion designer, a potter or an artist display some of their beautiful works and artistic creations over the coffin or seats, or place on a display table for those attending to stop and admire their skill and talent.

Many families are moving away from purchasing expensive timber coffins and are instead opting for plain MDF, cardboard or wicker coffins. Then there's an opportunity to involve family members, grandchildren, friends in a decorating ritual. Paints, Textas, collage, stickers, ribbons, flowers and drawings can all be used to decorate the coffin, making it personalised for your loved one.

A dove release is often used at the end of a Funeral Service or a Memorial. It's very symbolic of a death, of a loved one being released from their suffering, or as a celebration of a life well-lived. 

Display military service flags, perhaps flags from all the countries where your loved one lived, fly prayer flags in the wind, hang association flags, display winning ribbons and pennants depicting sporting or creative arts achievements. These all add colour to the life of the loved one whose life is being celebrated.

There are so many transportation options for a coffin, with the traditional hearse being just one. Ask your Funeral Director to source a heritage hearse, a motorcycle hearse, a horse and carriage hearse, perhaps on a coffin trolley pulled by a bicycle. There are so many options for families these days.

Traditionally used in churches/places of worship, incense and oil burners were used in religious rituals, especially in celebrations and funeral rites. Perhaps the loved one used incense or oil burners at home... loving the scent of lemongrass or lavender. Add incense to the Funeral Service if you think it's appropriate. Just like you would have candle lighting... have an incense lighting. Just lighting 1 stick is symbolic to evoke the memory of the loved one's home. Rather than a bookmark or packet of seeds, have small packs of incense to give to each person attending - in the loved one's favourite scent. [Note: be aware not to make the scent too overpowering within the venue.]

Lighting a candle for a loved one can be healing and a wonderful way to commence a Funeral Service or Memorial. It is a great way for siblings, children, grandchildren or friends to come forward and light a candle to remember the person they loved.   

Often a loved one has served in the military, or has been a long serving member of Scouts, Guides or another type of association. That becomes a great opportunity to use memorabilia from those days in their Funeral or Memorial Service. Hats, badges, trophies, banners, flags can all be used to decorate the venue or the coffin, to make it personal and authentic. Organise current members to attend, wearing uniform, to take on pallbearer roles or to form a Guard of Honour.

If a newborn or very young child dies, some families include a Naming Ceremony in the Funeral or Memorial Service. If this is something you would like to do, ask your Funeral Celebrant to honour your child with a Naming Ceremony or Blessing as part of the service.

If your loved one was a keen surfer and lived for the ocean, members of the family and friends may like to organise a 'paddle out' into the sea, form a circle, hold hands whilst a brief reflection takes place.

Whilst sorting through your loved one's photos for the memorial slideshow, you could also select images to feature on a display board to be placed on a table or on an easel. Or consider displaying an assortment of framed photos, depicting family snapshots, holidays, education and work  achievements, hobbies and milestone events throughout their lifetime.  [IMAGE credit > wallartprints.com.au]

If your loved one's service is in a backyard or a park, you could include the planting of a remembrance tree, a beautiful shrub or flower, with a memorial plaque to be installed as part of the memorial or at a later date.

Rosmarinus officinalis is an evergreen native to the Mediterranean and a universal symbol of remembrance used to honour those who have died. The tradition of laying sprigs of rosemary across the coffin or upon a tombstone dates back to ancient Egypt. In WA, during Reflection time, those attending a Funeral Service are invited to place a sprig of rosemary on the coffin, stay a few seconds to bid farewell to the person, before returning to their seat.

With many people opting for a more 'green' funeral, shrouds have become more commonly used, although in Australia the requirement is to still to have the shrouded body in a casket.[Image credit > goodfuneralguide.co.uk]

For a child's funeral or for an avid collector's funeral, display some the child's/person's favourite toys or a few items from their collection, whether it's soft toys, teddies, Lego models, model cars, Barbie dolls, prized china or glass, brooches or handbags - as those items represent who they were. Such a wonderful way to honour their passion in life.

[Image credit > carmodels.com.au]

Perhaps your loved one always wore blue (or another colour), had a collection of loud shirts, lots of ties, or just loved to wear their bathrobe. Ask family and friends to wear that colour, a loud shirt, a colourful tie, or a bath robe for the funeral. It's not necessary these days to wear black. Add the family's dress code request in the funeral notice. Wearing what they loved to wear a way honours the person whose life you are celebrating.